Battle for Akara

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Not the breakfast of heartbreak o; actual breakfast. Akara and bread. Yam and eggs. Oats. Cornflakes. Custard. Pap. Those ones. Me, I’m talking about food here, not useless men.

When I was small, Momsi used to ring that line inside my ear. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. She would say it as she forced me to eat my cereal or veggies. Me, I was kuku strong head, and I did not used to listen. I just wanted to be left alone to watch cartoon. Now that life is showing me premium shege, if I can turn back the hands of time eh, I will go back and eat all those breakfasts I skipped. I truly did not know anything, then. Mscheww, I was such a mumu, my dear.

Well sha, let me give you gist. As I was saying, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Once I eat in the morning like this eh, I can be working like Jacky throughout the rest of the day. I will not feel anything. Come rain, come shine o; I will stand gidigba. Like Olumo Rock.

My favourite breakfast is hot akara and better Agege bread. Some people like their own with pap, but me, I like my own with Coke.

My commute to work is two bus drops from the house, and a three-minute trek to the office. At my second bus stop, there is an akara spot, and that is where I get my food. I won’t lie, the akara is the bomb. And the Agege bread that accompanies it, softer than a newborn baby’s bum-bum. Ah!

Once I have my snack and drink 75cl plastic Coke, I am set for the day and good to go. Full tank. In fact, I do not get hungry again until evening time.

And it’s not only me o. Everybody in that my office area buys akara from there. The spot is always so crowded. We actually maintain a queue, to keep things orderly, and to avoid stories that touch. “I dey your back” or “Look my face, let me go and check something,” no dey work for here. If you like, play with yourself. Or try to fuck with somebody.

Is that not how one wonderful day, somebody wanted to fuck with our line? In this city, you can just be on your own and one full-blown weyrey will just carry their wahala, and come and jam you, gbim!

I was at the akara spot by my normal time: quarter to seven, and I had taken my place on the queue jejely. It was a Monday morning, so, you know how it is; everybody body dey pepper them.

Sometimes, men want to toast you when you’re buying akara, and I think that is very foolish of them. So, me, I use to kukuma close my ears with my airpods, and that day was no different, as I was listening to the new Omah Lay.